We were sitting there sipping terrible beer, on a chilly night on the patio of Pizza Port. Well, maybe the beer wasn’t as much terrible, as I just hate beer. But my friend had gone the pale ale route just for me, so I was trying to help her with at least 1/4 of the pitcher.
“Do you think I’m going to hell because I’m not saved?” she asked. Suddenly. She just asked it. We’ve been friends for more than a year, and she’s always been respectful of my beliefs in a disinterested sort of way. She used to be Mormon, and when she moved to California she had a bad encounter with some Christians speaking in tongues, and that was enough of that. She’s pretty into New Age, gets her aura read fairly regularly, and has a prayer corner in her bedroom where she meditates. I love my friend. She’s into social justice and humanitarian work and helps more people than any Christian I know.
Once, she came to me confused by a Christian who “assaulted” her with the Gospel after she walked through a World Vision tent on her college campus. I tried explaining to her what the Christian was probably thinking. (I knew all too well.) She understood and thanked me for helping her realize what the Christian was up to, and that she didn’t mean any harm, even though it had been a pretty weird experience, coming out of the tent and practically being attacked with a Bible and all.
Anyway, the question sat there, quietly, and I scraped the bottom of my brain trying to come up with an answer that would not sound totally bigoted. How did I tell her I thought she was going to hell? She was going to hell because she didn’t believe the things that our small sector of the religious community did.
In fact, I couldn’t. I didn’t.
Do you know what I said? It was something along the lines of, “I have a really hard time telling anybody they are going to hell. It sounds really arrogant to say that we’re the only people in the world who have it figured out. In fact, I don’t really know what constitutes hell. I don’t think it has flames. I think it’s being separated from the presence of God, and if you don’t have a relationship with God before you die, you aren’t going to have a relationship with Him afterward. We, or I, believe that Jesus is the way to get to heaven, trusting in Him and giving him our hearts. But I know there are a lot of people who believe strongly there are other ways. I don’t know. Maybe those people will be rewarded somehow in the end, if they are earnestly seeking God. And Christianity isn’t all about a ticket out of hell. It’s about a better way to live your life now. So I don’t look at you as a person going to hell. I think it’s wrong to label people that way.”
Yes. That is what I said.
She listened to me and poured more beer and said, “I’m not going to hell. I’m a good person.”
That was the point where I should have said, “That is not enough.”
I did not.
I said, “If you want to know more about what I believe, I am here for you. Feel free to ask me questions any time. I am not going to force my beliefs on you. I respect you, and I know that you have chosen not to believe the way I do.”
Do you know what? Ever since that day, my heart has not stopped breaking for my friend. And in light of my horrible witnessing failure, I have been praying nonstop for God to make himself known to her. Because without a doubt, God is after her, and maybe after me, so the other night, I had another chance. It was late, and we were lying on a bean bag chair. She started crying and said, “I just wish religion worked for me. I wish I could feel complete. I wish I could believe it, but I just can’t. It doesn’t make sense to me.”
And what I did then was explain to her why faith works for me. I didn’t tell her it should work for her. I just said why I choose to believe, and what it does for me. I said it as clearly and non-confrontationally as possible.
She did not respond. But that’s OK. I know that God wants to live in my friend’s heart. And I am going to love her and listen to her and drink beer with her until that day comes.
Your Evangelistic Failure is not determined by you…as you feel devoted to your friend and religion, You nor I control God and Whom he loves. “…God wants to live in my friend’s heart”. God is everywhere, not just by those who go to church. I respect your beliefs…I think it is wonderful to have faith…but do not worry for your friend or anyone else. God passes judgement, not us.
Andrea, you said exactly the right things, in my opinion. And your friend knows you love and care for her. We as evangelicals have oversimplified the call of Christ to a magic formula or saying some words, when following Christ involves far more than that. Your friend is on a journey, and the questions she asks indicates she is moving closer to God. I don’t think you failed at all. I think you handled it very well and with great sensitivity. Keep it up!
Well i have heard this story and am still jealous of your opportunity to share your story, your opportunity to love your friend, and your opportunity to journey with her toward the true, good and beautiful things that she is evidently moving toward. I think God is drawing her as well and your patient, loving response is amazing. God is using you to give guidance and commentary, just stick by her! Which I know you will. And don’t drink to much beer
Good thing your not Nazarene HA! 
(YET)
I don’t think it was a failure. Though your friend’s beliefs may not have changed, you succeeded in making a connection with her, letting her feel loved by your compassionate response.
I want to thank you for sharing this story. I have had many similar conversations with Christians (I am an atheist), including my mother, where I felt the other person was not listening to me, even that they were harassing me.
Its nice to see that there are Christians out there who can share their views with others in a gentle way. You really seem to have modeled your behavior on Jesus, something that many Christians I have encountered do not do. You sound like a wonderful friend.
I recommend you and your friend read “The Great Divorce” by C.S. Lewis. It is fiction but it is the greatest book on the subject of who goes to heaven and who goes to hell. I reall think you would like it.
You know, it seems to me that I just read a book all about this exact dynamic. Man, I wish I could remember what that book was called. Oh, well.
A textbook example of … doing the right thing! Though the books and training and even the magazines
we read tells us different, that you should have drawn the little chasm or the chair or something on your coaster, the reality is that the Spirit guides in saying what is needed at the moment. You’ll live out your convictions and your friend will equate what you say with what you display and God will work things out as He always does. THanks for sharing.
[...] by Pastor Warren under Faith We’ve all found ourselves in the situation described by Andrea at her blog where we don’t follow the scripted way of sharing the Truth with our friends or loved ones. [...]
Busy blogging i see…
Thanks for your transparency. Ultimately the Holy Spirit is the evangelist. Keep praying for your friend that she will be drawn to Christ and for more opportunities to share with her.