Hell.

When I lived in California, I went through a time where I didn’t think I could have a relationship with God because I didn’t understand him. Somehow I got to a place where I realized that I could still have a relationship with him, even if I had a lot of problems with him. For about two years though, I couldn’t talk to God because he allowed terrible things to happen, and he let people go to hell, etc. If that stuff doesn’t bother you, have you ever really thought about it? I was remembering this dark time today, because last night our small group was discussing hell, and someone mentioned how hell is such a huge stumbling block to anyone you’re trying to share the gospel with. This really resonated with me because it was a huge stumbling block for me. Just because you are a “Christian” doesn’t mean you have to be intellectually or morally OK with the way things are. Well, I’m not anyway. Hell kept me from sharing my faith with anybody because I just couldn’t deal with it—certainly not explain it to my nonChristian friend whose dad just died.

In our discussion last night, we talked about a lot of the Biblical descriptions of hell as being allegorical. I still don’t know what hell is, but the only thing that helps me understand it is that people who go there have really chosen to go there. They really haven’t wanted to interact with God on any level and he respects their decision. Our discussion also helped reorient the place “hell” has in salvation. I don’t think hell should EVER be the first reason we give for entering a relationship. We talked about salvation as being saved “for,” not only “from.” When we start a relationship with God, we are “saved” FOR the good works and the life he has planned for us here on earth, not just from hell in the afterlife. I could not agree more that the afterlife (totally unsubstantiated ideas of what hell and heaven are) has dominated conversations about salvation to an unhealthy degree.

The idea of being saved “for” increases my ability to relate to God, even though I continue to be disturbed by the things that happen in the world and by the concept of hell. If we’re saved “for” something, that gives hope in our life right now, along the lines of not being overcome by evil but overcoming evil with good. I’m NOT interested in an escapist salvation (see ya’ll later, I’m off to heavenly realms!).

The experience I’ve had with God is real. It’s a great positive that I can live in. There are things I can’t accept about God, decisions and actions that do not meet my standard of justice. Yes, it’s human, but it’s a standard of justice. A lot of stuff about God and the world continues to bother me, even though I know at the end he will make it all right. The end is great, God, but what about NOW? Things kind of suck right now for a lot of people.

Back to my original story: At some point I got over my standoff with God and started reaching out to him again, not letting things I don’t understand about him destroy things that I do. Honestly, if I didn’t have a history with God, I don’t know that I could have overcome hell and those other hurdles. Now, after a long time of wrestling, I believe our relationship is spacious enough to accommodate all my problems and issues.